Being single has its perks, like being free to pursue your career relentlessly, do your hobbies, go out and go home whenever you like, and flirt endlessly without having a weighing responsibility —or sometimes obligation—weighing on your shoulders. Solitude can teach you many things during your single life, such as appreciating your own company, finding your life’s purpose, and even experiencing small joys, such as taking care of a pet or spending time with your folks or best friends.
However, there comes a time in someone’s life when they’d need someone to be with for the rest of their lives. And as online dating has risen into fame this past decade, it’s only proper to go through that path instead of expecting to find your lifetime partner in person. However, not everyone might agree with your goals in dating. Some find online dating a decent distraction from their monotone life, which won’t fare well with those looking for something long-term.
And it isn’t just the intention that differs. A study shows (read more) that most middle-aged folks are looking into the marriage market while those closer to the age of 40 go into these apps with marriage intention. Wherever you land in that age bracket, you need to arm yourself with adequate knowledge to avoid falling into label-less relationships and ghosting. In this era of less human interaction, aim to find a kindred spirit with the belief of settling down.
A Healthy Relationship
Most of us avoid the dating scene for fear of unnecessary baggage from our potential partners. Though it is a reasonable fear to have, know that avoiding knowing someone in depth is doing yourself a disservice more than anyone. And despite that fear of commitment rooting from your childhood’s lack of role model, it’s still a personal decision to break the cycle with you and cast your fear aside. Only then can you build a healthy relationship with someone.
But what is a healthy relationship? This bond goes beyond brief flings and superficial whims of passion, as it touches you on a spiritual level. Your partner isn’t just someone you get to spend the night with and nothing more. You can see a bright future with them even if both of you have only spoken briefly or online. A healthy relationship doesn’t base itself on origins but instead mutually founded trust, honesty, and respect.
However, you still need a guide to finding your fated one online. You can find the best sites for dating here to avoid any beginner’s mistake, like affiliating with a shady online dating app that has neither a block feature nor a report button. That should be your first red flag when finding a site or app to work with. That can only mean they don’t have a set of boundaries and let perverts and lurkers around to harass their users.
With that aside, here is a bird’s eye view of a healthy relationship’s foundations. You can use this as either a base in finding a suitable date or a framework for yourself in preparing for a committed relationship:
1. Have Enough Emotional Quotient To Settle Fights Peacefully
Though we admit it few and far between, fights can quickly escalate, especially between two committed individuals who decided to have a long-term relationship. It’s almost impossible imagining a one-night stand evoking such intense feelings. However, it doesn’t mean it can be overlooked once or twice. A healthy relationship can thrive when the two individuals participating in the relationship are mature enough to talk it out instead of fighting it.
With this, you’ll be fostering trust and healthy outspokenness that will help significantly with communication. Those who often fight and suppress their partner’s voice often end up fighting with them because of miscommunication and neglect. With that said, intervening methods can significantly help with the outcome. Don’t let explosive and draining fights happen, and learn to deescalate the situation as early as possible.
2. Maintain The Bond Between Each Other
When the fireworks are gone and the butterflies have died inside your stomach, finding another conquest isn’t what a mature person seeking a healthy relationship would do. It is the opposite: staying for the inner peace that washes over you as you settle down from the intensity of the initial passion you both had. And although this isn’t true to all couples, as many have fanned their flames long enough to last a lifetime, it is still mentioned in this section.
What is important is the bond you both share and what fruit it will bring to your future together. Starting over with someone will only make you realize it’s always exciting the first few months until it doesn’t anymore. As any relationship goes through, it’s normal, but what you do with it afterward is what matters.
3. Have Interests Outside Of Each Other
As romantic as many novels and movies make it seem, being with each other 24/7 isn’t healthy nor advised. There’s a reason why hobbies exist and why you and your partner may have varying interests. These shouldn’t be an obstacle in your current relationship but a way to improve yourself artistically. If your partner knows how to balance their hobbies and your relationship without neglecting either one, it’s a great sign of maturity.
4. Remove Any Negative Elements In The Relationship
These relationship problems can vary, but common ground can be found in jealousy, insecurity, and obsession. These can be considered poison to an otherwise loving, healthy relationship. Jealousy can spark unnecessary fights, insecurity can cripple trust, and obsession can ultimately destroy what you have with your partner. Though you can remark humans err, and some of these may happen, it’s not a proper excuse to offer when you hurt them.
Tips In Finding Your Lifelong Mate
Don’t Obsess In Finding Them
Most times, a potential lifetime partner finds you, and not the other way around. Therefore, focus on other things in the meantime, like spending time with your folks, traveling around with your best friends, or achieve success in businesses you want to venture into. Only after you’ve become a specific version of you will they appear before you, fitting perfectly like a puzzle piece.
Avoid Being Superficial
It is nice to admire a book’s intricate cover. However, what matters above that is what’s inside, what it can offer you. When you’re searching for your partner, make sure to remember they aren’t a correctly and neatly wrapped gift. They’re going to be messy or flawed, just as you enter their life. If you don’t want to be judged using that scale, don’t even consider it.
Be Transparent
Your flaws should be symbols of your humanity, not a shameful scar you need to hide. A healthy relationship fosters trust, enough that baring yourself beyond the skin isn’t tainted with insecurity and fear. Both parties that want more out of the relationship will take your flaws and embrace them, thorns and all. And it’s your responsibility to dull those thorns for them.
Be Genuinely Curious
Ask questions, and don’t be afraid to voice them out confidently. Different from the usual belief, people, in general, are attracted to those who are self-confident and genuine at the same time. Charm can only bring you so far if you’re hollow on the inside. Therefore, you owe it to your date to ask questions about themselves and their interests.
Give 100% Of Your Attention
Don’t fiddle with your phone, look around and avoid eye contact, and keep your silence during a date. The person you showed them during those texts and chats must show up to the face-to-face too. If you think it’s shyness or being an introvert, remember the courage it took you to agree to meet, and find comfort that 100% of the time, introverts prefer introverts as well.
Always Keep Communication Open
Even if you two haven’t decided to pursue a relationship after the first date, make sure you keep your line open. It will show you’re being honest and real during your date with them and can foster fondness, which in turn can blossom into attraction and even love. Plus, being friendly never hurt anyone. If you two don’t eventually try anything more, at least you gained a quality friend.